Transcript:The Return of Saradomin

Issue 14 - The Return of Saradomin

 * Saradomin returns to praise the pure of heart, and to honour his followers with some replies to the prayers they have sent unto him.
 * Any connection between Saradomin’s previous wrong answers and his recent prolonged absence is entirely coincidental.

Greetings loyal followers! Many of you may have wondered why I allowed the despicable Zamorak access to your prayers to me, and to this all I can say is: sorry about that.

The fiend stole the bag which I keep my messages in, and replaced it with a bag full of little pieces of paper saying "Get your axes from Bob's axes". What the meaning of this is, I do not know, but apparently while I was busy wondering why nobody writes to me anymore, Zamorak has been having fun abusing my loyal believers. I don't even want to start on what Guthix has been saying... partly because I don't understand most of it. Nature gods really aren't that good at conversational skills. I would also like to clear up beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I have not been "hiding because I was wrong about sleeping bags" as Zamorak has been telling people.

I wasn't wrong. I'm never wrong. I was just not totally right.

Anyway, now I am back in receipt of my faithfuls' pleas, let's answer some queries!

The truth is that the council once tried to put a sales tax on all those who purchase water from taverns, but it was very unpopular with those who felt that things that can be found just lying around (water, meat, bones, etc) should not have to be paid for.

The council resolved this by simply outlawing the sale of water throughout the lands. On a different note, I would suggest to anyone visiting RuneScape for a holiday this year NOT try drinking the water - as many a fisherman will attest, you find all sorts in it... and a nice cold ale is far less hazardous to your health.

Apart from the obvious fact that 'cheating' in ANYTHING be it merely a game, or your life, is wrong and will ultimately bring you nothing satisfactory, there ARE no cheats in RuneScape.

Oh, people may tell you different... but those people are trying to 'cheat' by stealing your account. Which I don't think is what you want. Your life will be far more complete if you work hard for your rewards, because the satisfaction gained is far greater when you have achieved something by your own dedicated effort... and I would suggest you use the 'report abuse' button to catch any of these liars before they harm a player not as slow to trust as yourself.

I apologise to you noble woodcutter for the interception of your message intended for Guthix, but I was deeply impressed with the realistic sculpture which image you have included; it is in my mind a work of art, and you should tell your daughter that Saradomin is a great appreciater of fine art. Verily, the sculpture almost appears alive, so true a likeness is it to the people of RuneScape.

On the subject of woodcutting, I do not believe that such a system is needed at the present time, but I have no fear that if Guthix decides such a thing will be necessary to prevent the incompetent hacking at trees without a point, then he will probably introduce it. Probably with some longwinded explanation about 'balance' too.

Although I believe combat is wrong in all forms, and that the simplest solution would be to not get into combat at all, I also know full well that the cursed Zamorak enjoys tormenting honest workers on their travels with all manner of creatures.

I am glad to say that when the 3D update occurs you will be able to be assisted by your friends in hand to hand combat, and not just assisted by rangers and mages. Hopefully this will allow my Holy Warriors to restore peace to my lands at all costs, and finally drive the evil zamorak away for good.

It saddens me to see life go to waste following the lies of Zamorak, yet it amuses me to see that even his most dedicated followers don't know how to spell his name correctly.

The reason my Holy Symbol is available everywhere, is because it's better.

I am the greatest, so more people want to show their allegiance to me, so more shops sell it because it is more popular and they will make more money from it. Yet more proof that I am the greatest god, because I have the most followers. It's not too late to change allegiance and glorify me with my stylish Holy Symbol you know, and you're already on the right step by getting my name right!

One of the most ghastly and morbid suggestions I have ever heard... to take the remains of the deceased and instead of giving them peace in their death and glorifying me through their burial, instead defiling them, and using them as some form of currency.

Apart from the health risks associated with storing large quantities of unclean dead objects, I find this idea morally repugnant, and the idea that you would ask for this in order to praise me shocks me to the core.

I suggest you find new ways to revel in my glory, for I will have no part of this macabre scheme.

I personally know not, but surmise it was some rich yet morally corrupt adventurer seeking to atone for his sins against me by leaving an anonymous donation with my monks.

Or possibly some unlucky zamorakian fell foul of my followers divine strength by getting too cocky, and ended up the victim to a 'harmless' monks anger.

I will take this question from Guthix, for he knows very little of the ways of men. And when it comes to money, almost nothing (he just can't understand the concept of ownership, I'm afraid), and it is my duty to help where I can.

When you become a member you may specify which character you would like the membership to apply to: if you wish to bring your current character to enjoy the new lands and adventures which membership offers, you can.

This is the choice that many people take, and you bring with him all items and wealth so far accumulated.

Also of course, although this option is not as favoured, you can create a new character and begin your explorations of the world anew in the members area. If you feel that you have seen all that membership has to offer you (although I suspect this will not be a problem for a while, given that the members lands are continuously being explored and mapped, with new adventures and areas to explore being discovered) you can indeed return your character to the smaller free lands with skills and stats intact.

However, if you have items stored in your larger 'members bank' you will not be able to deposit any items until your bank is as small as the 'free bank'.

This is unfortunate, but it is the councils policies regarding interest rates and inflation that compel the First National RuneScape Bank to implement this policy. You will also of course be unable to use any of the 'members only' abilities that you may have acquired, such as agility or herblaw, in the 'free lands'.

It seems when I reclaimed this bag of letters from Zamorak, he inadvertently left a message intended for his eyes inside it. You have captured his looks very well; and to think he tried to laugh at MY appearance!

How can anyone possibly follow THAT?

Yes. Well.

Why don't I just set everyones level to 99 and give everyone full rune while I'm at it? Then theres no need to even play the game anymore.

It takes a rare suggestion to make Holy Saradomin resort to sarcasm, you should feel honoured.

My best advice would be to read this guide on preventing hacking and follow its instructions well. I would also recommend not using words written as in dictionaries as your password, but instead replacing a few letters with numbers. Combining both of these pieces of advice should ensure your character lives securely.

I have spoken at some length now, so I should be getting back to my daily duties, but I have just enough time to answer a few quick queries I have received:

Princemarcus asks:"I wonder if we would be able to contact this lesser known god, zaros"

To which I say: Speak not of Zaros. Mention not his name, nor discuss him. Some things are better left unknown.

"i think monk bones should give more prayer xp that normal bones." - Apocalypse1

I think killing my followers would make me favour you less, not more.

"Hi, I think there sould at least be 1 new quest for runscape."

So do I. Oh look, one just got released. How lucky.

"Hi I was wondering when the next Halloween will be in rune scape and is there any more times that u give out free items.?"

Halloween is usually at the end of October, and along with Easter and Christmas sometimes gives players presents from the Council. You shouldn't necessarily expect to receive any gifts however. the council are frequently absent minded.

Redk99 says:"I need a map of some kind that shows me where I am in the world."

Perhaps the world map will be of interest to you?

iamblh3 complains "I hate the new fatigue.I`m cursed by it from just walking and picking things up."

I think you should see an apothecary as soon as possible for you apparently have a medical condition that no-one else has. And stay away from me, I'm a busy deity and can't afford to be slowed down with mystery illnesses.

"I have been trying to find a place where I can get your holy symbol blessed" - GoatGod05

I suggest you go and speak to Brother Jered at the monastery, he is always keen on assisting those wishing to spread my glories across the land by wearing my symbol.

Lightsilver asks "Is it true that runescape is updating to 3D?"

Yes, yes it is. I suggest you check the News & Updates section of the site a little more regularly...

"we where hoping that you would make an update that allows crafters to make gold coins from gold bars" - bite9611111

Forgery is a serious crime, and only those coins minted by the respective Fief are legal tender. If forgery were not a serious crime here on RuneScape the economy would surely have been destroyed by a certain spell known as high level alchemy by now...