Transcript:Baba Yaga, Hill Giants and correct pronunciation!

''Hello, and welcome to the September edition of the Postbag! This month we have been really busy looking through all of your funky artwork, as well as delivering the normal shed-load of letters to all your favourite monsters and, erm, things. Look out for the first of the gallery pages next month!''

''Meanwhile, feast your eyes on a slightly more inquisitive Postbag this month as we ask “Why is my bookcase so picky?”, lay down challenges from one legend to another and even delve into the pressing issue “Why on RuneScape does your house have chicken legs?”. Something I have always wondered myself...''

Dear Nesper

Although I doubt that some of the books you mention would survive long enough to even reach this bookcase of yours, I do agree that most of them should be looked after carefully. However, my catalogue system indicates that you can already keep some of those books, so you might want to re-check your shelves.

Now, as you may or may not know, libraries are carefully monitored things, especially after the great fire of ‘86, where one too many books on spontaneous combustion were kept near a rather lively tome on literary sentience. It is for that reason that rules govern how and where we can keep our books. I am pleased to announce that permission has now been given to keep the following in addition to your existing set:
 * Magic Training Arena Lore Book
 * Burnt Diary
 * Trouble Brewing Instruction Book
 * Book o' Piracy
 * And the all-important “Pie Recipe” book. Mmm, pie.

I hope you build some decent shelves to keep them all on.

Reldo.


 * I asked about for ages on this specific issue, and the only person who knew anything was ol' Farmer Fred from Lumbridge. Here’s what he had to say (when he wasn’t talking about “The Thing”, whatever that was):

Dear Mr Badham94,

As you know, I’ve been looking after chickens all my life. Now, although I ain't ever seen a blue chicken egg, my grandfather used to tell me about great birds who were raised in his grandfather's time, from chicks by the soldiers and mages who built Yanille. Very sharp-eyed these birdies were, used to be used as lookouts ‘case they had more trouble from the ogres and the other nasties who hung about back then. Thing is, nobody knows anything about 'em anymore, probably served their time.

I wouldn’t be throwing it away just yet tho', you never know what you might learn.

Fred.

Dear my friend Clompy,

My uncle was a rock crab, He lived by the sea, And when he crawled from under his rock He was just xp.

The fighter there, all shiny and proud Got to him first, before the crowd They fought hard, shell versus granite It was not the prettiest fight.

My uncle there he did not know It was not the way he’d choose to go And soon welled up with Crabby woe Oh, how I miss my Uncle Joe.

So I say to you, big clompy fish Can’t you choose a better dish? Tell your friends to leave us be Or we’ll stay forever, under the sea.

Love, Snip Snip

The gnomes were so fascinated by this strange fruit, they just sat and stared at it. See what I mean? I haven’t seen them that interested in anything since the worm delivery arrived last month.

Who knows what they might come up with in the future?

Dear Gormos,

Tell this Harrallak Menarous that he has my attention. I have heard of his antics, but I doubt that his little tin-opener is any match for me and my steel. Any time he is ready, mano e mano at the Duel Arena. Stakes are his kebab skewer vs. my large collection of rat corpses. Any time. I’d meet him in the Wilderness but I bet he’s one of “those” types who won’t fight fair. Look at me, I even wield steel to give people a chance. I mean, what kind of warrior fights things less than half his level in full rune, I ask you?

With respect, Vannaka Greatest swordsman who ever lived. Period.

A long time ago, I used to offer three wishes when I appeared, but sadly I once ran into this group of three brave adventurers: a warrior, mage and a ranger. To each I offered one wish. The warrior wanted to be pitched in a battle to the death against evil itself. A noble cause, I thought, and wished him there immediately. The mage wished to be taken to the great libraries of the sky, where he knew his ancestors were, recording everything that was ever thought or dreamt. Another noble cause, I thought, and moved him there in the blink of an eye.

The ranger got lonely and wished them back again.

Here endeth the lesson. Genie

Dear Manirious,

Were you told to send this, or did you do so of your own free will? This small skull you send before me is pure of heart, but are you?

Many have sought my advice through many of my guises, the Bone Mother, destroyer of egos. It is lucky for you I choose to help those on this world; this heaving mass of life. My hut is its own. It sees as I do when I look through its glassed eyes and screams when its mouth is opened by those who dare to ask me the question.

My bright dawn, my red sun and my dark midnight have served me well. They do not go to those who beg. Where are your soul friends, your voices of the night? Best you take care my pretty. Do not cross us or our seeds.

Boney Legs

Dear Royal bloke,

Sire, I think anyone with half a brain would jump at being the only guard to actually complete a year’s service here in Varrock. They gave me a special carriage clock and everything!

Best of luck with them boxes. I have no idea what they are for.

Treznor the Grubby.

Dear nameless one,

Well, stop bringing such nasty pie to us, then! If it was a decent pie, like maybe some booberry pie then we’d eat it all up, but no, you have to bring pie fit for one of those Imcando dwarves. Mmm, dwarf.

Next time you come, why not bring one of those special Sophanem pies? Nobody quite makes pies like mummy used to make 'em.

Tortured Soul

Dear shiny A1b,

Thanking yous for letter. We is never knowing human beans is having funny chuckles over special pants. Mums is always telling we must be clean pants in case we is getting run over by tortoise stampede. We is changing outfit now. Thanking you!

We is called hill giants 'coz we is looking like hill, not living on hill! See special chiseled features? See arm muscles like, um, hills? Is mossy called mossy 'coz him live on moss or 'coz he is looking like big moving moss?

Next time you come visit, you bring nice mith-wielding picnic.

Malvern

Wise old tips

 * After last month's revelations concerning the proper way to say “Ardougne”, I thought I would invite the Wise Old Man of Draynor Village to answer a few of your pronunciation questions:


 * Scimitar – “sim-mit-tar”
 * Glough – “gluff”
 * Yanille – “Yann-eel”
 * Make sure you check in again next month, when this random (yet wise) section becomes a monthly feature!