Transcript:Sawdust, Wallbeasts and Kebabs!

''Hello, and welcome to the July edition of the Postbag! This month we once again listen to the random ramblings of the Chaos Elemental and try to decipher something vaguely useful from it. We also ask some rather probing questions regarding someone whose name I’d rather not mention, look at shop adverts, discuss Bob with the smiley face and even question the existence of sawdust.''

Dear Aeacus 1,

Sadly, my invisible amulet of humanspeak was enchanted by one of Ali M’s mages, hence the enchantment only ever lasts for woo woo woo woo. Woo? Wooo!

Woo.



Dear Narilyte,

In my house, cup of tea? Angry bow gets boost, she is reborn, the chosen one! Bubbles to my new home, flaky scalp. Cheese pie, mmmm. Triangle? Pyramid! ; PK me mum! Lunar eclipse brings us closer to them. The museum will close in 10 minutes, please make your way to the nearest age. Helping hand please. Illusion long dead, is they? Ferrets will find them. Hidden in the tree they were. Blue egg rises. Shhhh. Vyre warning, take a bite. Helm must be rejoined when the Gypsy gets a makeover. Hum uncle us. Mamma Mia, that’s a big basket! Mallum 12, Witchaven 0. For Shiver my quiver. Watching, forever watching the bones of the past. They will come for my bride! Bah bah barby have you any null? Stuff the chicken, stick the chompy. Comfy magnets. Yes mate yes mate 10 waves full. One for the ranger, one's never enough, and 2 for the little boy who collected all the stuff. Have you seen my arm?

Dear wildehunter,

It can’t be done... Unless it’s a red one.

Bob (Ni)

Greetings colonel,

Well I am impressed that postman has managed to track me down and pass me your missive, clearly I am getting careless in my old age.

You seem to have some severe theological misconceptions: One thing I must make very very clear, Icthlarin is not in any way shape or form the same person as my lord!

It is a sad day when so much has been forgotten of him, that even one of the loyal could make such a mistake. Had you not rendered great services to our cause recently, you would have caused me to question whether you were even a true follower.

Also no one "stole" the Mahjarrat from anyone. The Mahjarrat will align themselves with the God of the path that they feel fit. Icthlarin was a fool who thought he could control us, but he never had the influence that he thought. When Zaros found us we no longer needed Icthlarin, for we had found in Zaros, not only one of great power, but a god who truly understood the ways of the Mahjarrat. Of all the choices that I have seen, only through Zaros shall we have our ultimate glory.

Those who subsequently have come to follow Zamorak the pretender are shortsighted and not truly understanding of what it is to be a Mahjarrat, their arrogance will be their downfall in the end.

Yes, I have made some quick travels through RuneScape since being freed from my incarceration and I can but concur with you on the poor condition of this world, though I know not why you call it Gielinor. It saddens me that the once great empire is not only gone, but as good as forgotten. Far too many seem to believe the lies of Saradomin and Zamorak and some other upstart called Guthix. When the time is right we will definitely need to change this state of affairs.

On a happier note, it is good to hear that Akthanakos is around and still loyal to our lord, for he disappeared and we did not know what had happened to him. I know what is meant when they say they shall go to the north, but now is not the time to speak of it.

For the glory of Zaros! Azzanadra

Hi Edgemaster X,

Firstly: Wow! I am amazed at the offer! It sounds like exactly the sort of business deal I like to keep an eye out for. A million a month isn't so bad - in fact, it's only one coin more than I pay Ali M. Unfortunately, I only earn 1 coin a month after I pay all my bills, so I can't really risk signing with you, or my camels might starve - then where would I be?

Keep up the good work, Karim

Dearest Nick,


 * 1) The origin of the seed is older than the Elven race itself. It derives from those worlds we call “home”, where it grows in abundance. Crystal does not form here in RuneScape, it just “is”.
 * 2) To properly use crystal equipment it should be tuned to the spirit of those gifted to use it. A chanter can only truly understand the spirit over time, it cannot be learnt from a tome.
 * 3) Many of the chants used are beyond the range that your human ears can hear, and involve sounds that your vocal chords could not form. I would imagine that you would have trouble learning those, although some of the more simplistic chants may be possible for humans. We will have to research this.
 * 4) I know nothing of your human guilds. It is merely coincidence.
 * 5) The agents of Iorwerth and Tyras are hidden all over this woodland. We have to keep moving otherwise they may track us down.
 * 6) We elves make almost everything with crystal, from blades to vessels and from furniture to writing tools. Even with your limited access to our realm you will see examples of crystal architecture at our city walls. The crystal is not only limited to inanimate objects, you may have also seen the lamps in Lletya.
 * 7) The crystal of light? I am unsure what you are talking about. Where is this?

Ilfeen.

Dear Hyb1rd,

Wahey! What a absolutely fantastic message! It's like the greatest thing I have ever seen! Wow!! It's totally, like, inspiring and, like, will lead to greatness! Amazing! I’ve never been happier! Totally rad! It's like the sun has totally possessed me and I'm the brightest, happiest ball of gas in the entire galaxy!

I hate it. What a waste of time. I’d rather go and stick my head in a bone grinder AGAIN.

Bob is totally trustworthy!

No he isn’t. Just ask my mate on the Rants forum.

Yours doubly, Smiley and Smileless

Ha ha! Well, I can't say I'm doing badly out of the rush for building materials. But you'd be surprised at how little of the money I get to take home at the end of the day. I have to pay off the loan I took to go to sawmill-operator's school - it's a highly skilled job, you know, and they don't let anyone use the machinery without a qualification. It's not easy extracting usable planks from the logs people bring me and a lot of material has to be wasted. And then I've got to pay to have all that sawdust disposed of: it's not cheap, but I can't just leave it lying around, can I?

Or can I?