Transcript:Magic, Hans and Bankers!

What with the holiday rush, I have been particularly busy lately, but still made the effort to get those letters out, and what letters you've written!

This edition of the letters pages includes the mysterious absence of Father Urhney, flying cows and an enlightening interview with Traiborn about his life history, so without further ado...

Dear Shadowdancer,

Sadly, my attempt to seek solace in nature's quiet embrace, so that I may contemplate the mysteries of the universe and seek enlightenment through my course of meditation and prayer, has been frequently interrupted by what I can only assume is a bizarre conspiracy by some fiendish cult.

I require a two year period of silent contemplation, yet I rarely manage even a week before one of these crazed lunatics arrives at my shack threatening to repossess my home due to failed mortgage repayments. Rather bizarrely, as I constructed my shack myself with my own two hands. And each time they force me into conversation, my two year period must begin anew.

I genuinely can't understand it. They all show up, and say the same thing, to the very word... it is indeed a mystery, that perhaps I will solve if I am allowed those two years of silent prayer.

Ahhhhh! It's him again - the one who threatened to kill everyone! He's found me again!

Ahhhhh!

At this point Hans ran away from me, flailing his arms around him in terror, so I was unable to get the rest of his response. I'm very sorry about that.

Strangely, your questions are all one and the same! Why do the other chickens fear me and call me evil? Why am I so powerful? It's because I HATE the taste of chicken feed...

No, I have a MUCH tastier food that I enjoy to eat, that makes me big and strong, and keeps my feathers so shiny and clean...

I LOVE roast chicken!

Yum-yum, with a dash of garlic and a sprinkling of herbs and spices, I could eat it all day long... MUHAHAHAH! Bwuk bwuk bwuk.

Dude, it's like, totally my break, 'kay? Like, don't bring me down, man, I'm just waiting for the coffee to boil. Sheesh, you guys are always like, 'withdraw this' and 'deposit that' and 'rearrange the other' it's like, such a drag!

Just because I don't live my life to the clock like them other banker dudes, don't go getting on my case when I take five for a bit of a cuppa!

Oh, uh, hmm, well, er...the cheque's in the post!

Get back to work you slacker! You haven't even unpacked that crate of bananas yet! I want that apron cleaned before you return it, too!

Let me consult the spirits...

Ah, yes.

The waterfall flows, like the grass grows. Often in spring, the birds can sing.

I hope that reveals much of your future.

Wussat?

A young thingummywut wants to hear a bit of ol' Traiborn's life story, eh? Well, let me start at the whatsit.

I was born in the year dumdy, in good old wotsit. After many years working as a doodad, under the care of kind old whoosis, I decided it would be best to thingy at the whatchamacall. Yep, that's pretty much it, in a thingummywut.


 * Thank you Traiborn, that was very helpful.

Not at all, it was my wossat.