Goblin book

The Goblin book is an item that is an uncommon drop from goblins in RuneScape. Having obtained this book, members can re-obtain it from the bookcase in their player-owned houses, under the name The Book of the Big High War God.

Dropping monsters

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Transcript
The creation of the Goblins

In beginning all gods have big war. Each god find army to fight for him. Big High War God not have army. Big High War God go to short-beardy-people and ask, Will you fight in my army? But beardy-short-people say, No, we fight for god of shiny light.

Then Big High War God go to demons and ask, Will you fight in my army? But demons say, No, we fight for God of Dark Fire.

Then Big High War God go to tall people with keen blades and ask, Will you fight in my army? But tall people with keen blades say, No, some of us fight for god of shiny light and some of us fight for God of Dark Fire, but none of us fight for you!

Big high war god very sad. He travel east and west, north and south, across land looking for army to fight for him.

Then goblins say, We fight for you! At that time goblins very weak, very small, soft skin. Not like goblins today! But Big High War God say, I will make you my army. So Big High War God train goblins so they very strong. He give them good armour so they not be harmed. He make them strong in spirit so they not afraid of battle. He give them commanders so they know which way to go. He divide goblins into twelve tribes and send them into battle!

Goblin armies fight very good! When other gods see this, they very jealous. So they say, We want goblins to fight for us too! So Big High War God take some tribes and sell them, one to God of Shiny Light and one to God of Dark Fire, and other tribes to other gods. But most still worship Big High War God who created them!

The Several Commandments

These are commandments of Big High War God! Obey all commandments all time or Big High War God kill you very bad!!

Always to slay enemies of Big High War God. Enemies must die! Not to run from battle. Cowards must die! Not to show mercy. Merciful must die! Not to doubt Big High War God. Doubters must die! Not to make own plans. Thinkers must die!

The end of the war and the prophecy

The war of gods last many lifetimes. Battle is glorious and many heroes live and die! Then all gods leave world, leave their armies behind. But goblins still soldiers, still fight! Goblins fight against tall people with keen blades. But tall people build cities with walls, they not want to fight. They not true soldiers like goblins! But now goblins not have enough to eat, and have no commanders to tell them who to fight. So goblin tribes fight one another. At last all goblin tribes have big battle on plain of mud. Battle last many days and many goblins die, battle is glorious! But goblin corpses cover the ground and it look like all die.

Then Hopespear of the Narogoshunn tribe have vision of Big High War God. In night while soldiers rest he call leaders of all tribes together to give them message.

This is the word of Big High War God: Battle is indeed glorious and goblins are soldiers but if there too much battle all goblins die! No more must goblin fight against goblin or tribe against tribe. Goblins must find other enemies to fight, but not fight each other!

And this is the word of Big High War God: Today I cannot lead you, but someday I will send a new Commander to lead you. Under new Commander goblins will conquer all of RuneScape, every race and every god! And then Big High War God will return and sit on throne of bronze and rule over all. War will end in victory and victory will last forever!

So leaders of tribes stop battle. And on plain of mud all tribes build temple to Big High War God and offer sacrifices.

Trivia

 * Cave goblins drop this book despite the fact that they don't follow the Big High War God. Also, the book is written in broken English like the surface goblins use, while cave goblins are far more civilised and would never write like that.