Transcript:Poultry, Dragons and Zombies

''In this issue we take a look into the lives of the great escaping chickens, Crunchy the "always willing to help" skeleton, a lesser demon called Carrot and even the King Black Dragon lurks here, too. Let's see what they have to say.''

Alas, this task was already undertaken, but whether the brave chicken was successful or not we do not know! For you see, old chicken legends speak of a strong chicken. One who was tormented, isolated, locked in his pen by our human captors, every day plotting revenge. He trained himself up using old logs for training dummies and eventually climbed the gate to freedom. No one knows the fate of this chicken. Perhaps he was slaughtered for feathers, meat and bones as most of us eventually are. Although, I often hear some adventurers speaking of a "strong evil chicken" terrorising warriors all over RuneScape...

Dear Morsel,

We don't know what these "Stooges" are, do they taste good? We shall have to sample them some day, we miss so many delicacies trapped here in our cave. We once had gnome, you know, hardly filling but they have a unique texture which is really something to experience. Those were the days...when we could still slip out of here and roam free. We think it was all those funny little dwarves that did it though - they really can be very fattening - and now we're stuck in here.

We beg your pardon, we've wandered off topic. You mention our brothers? The three of us are more than brothers, we are like three sides of a coin. No morsel such as yourself could understand the bond we share. Ah, we do feel pity for our poor cousins with only the one mind, they must feel such loneliness.

Till next we eat, The King Black Dragon

My name is Crunchy I'll have you know! Do I like being a skeleton you ask? I was once an adventurer like you, slaying dragons, cutting trees, and fishing... until I was challenged to a duel by a POWERFUL mage, creator of worlds! I was too proud to pass up the challenge and was beaten. He plucked me from the world and made me stand here with this sign. I didn’t want to be the gate keeper for RuneScape, you know. They don’t even feed me, my room mate hasn’t had a shower in 3 years and my arms hurt...help!

Bow to the power of my magical zombies! The other Magic Guild wizards think I am crazy for summoning nothing but zombies over and over again. They do not understand the power which is contained. ZOMBIES! I cannot let you know the secret from which I summon my zombies, with no flint or fire, portal or doorway. Oh no, not yet, for it is far too dangerous...not yet. Although, I do apologise about the noise of my...walking bones; my pretty magical zombies. If you wish to file a complaint, I suggest you take it up with the zombies inside the cage...

UGLY? You’re not exactly Queen Ellamaria yourself. How dare you! I look good for a witch. Better than that Hetty in Rimmington anyway. My cheese is no ordinary cheese. Its Aggie's Self-Replenishing Cheese spell version 12. *Cackle* Muhahaha. It was one of the first spells I learnt. The tomato is another spell experiment that went slightly wrong...I was actually trying to summon a lesser demon. Careful with those tomatoes, though: they do sometimes bite. They can protect me from that nuisance, Evil Bob. He is always sneaking up behind me. I should turn him into a rat, that’ll teach him. Hmmm *cackle* Muhahaha

Ahh Wiccaspeller,

I remember pulling you from the stream from where I was fishing and thinking "These trout look almost human. This be a strange catch for a fisherman, aye". As a born and bred fisherman I normally eat what I catch so I apologise for thinking about eating you with roast potatoes and freshly grown cabbage...mmm. Rivers frozen by evil, you say? HA! Well, by that theory that would make the trout evil, too? And the thought of an evil trout is far too amusing to be actual reality. What would it do? Drip on you? Aye, very evil indeed. Besides, there are rivers that flow. Take a look at the waterfall next time you are near.

Help! I am so glad someone has finally noticed that I am stuck in here and all my dragon chums are out roaming RuneScape's lands. I’ve given up trying to escape now. I’ve been in here so long and that pesky Achietties installed a door I can’t fit through! But wait! Perhaps you are right. After all, I would very much like to seek revenge on all rangers who find it amusing to hide behind bars when fighting me. Cowards! *GROWL*

I have to say, I'm rather suprised, Undead Preis. You come and kill me repetitively and steal the remains of my corpse and belongings, all the while hoping in twist of fate that I, your beautiful Carrot the lesser demon (yes demon!), Minion of Zamorak would appreciate poetry and gifts? I do believe you have been grossly misinformed about demons. Although I look forward to your next visit.

-Carrot

I am cursed to walk these lands with a box that duplicates in my bag. I need to get rid of these things as fast as I can. I found these boxes on my travels in the far Eastern lands, where the locals are known for their vast knowledge of trinkets and toys. I picked it up and couldn’t put it down - at that point I found the villagers are also excellent pranksters. After finding that the boxes were particularly troublesome, I went to seek help from friends such as The Mime. Unfortunately, the two of us couldn’t open them all, so I pass them off to unexpecting adventurers such as yourself.