Transcript:Pull the udder one!

''Hello, and welcome to the June edition of the Postbag! This month we get all corporate and corporeal as we talk to the Karamja box company and the odd slime in Port Phasmatys, as well as asking the burning question, “What are you doing with all that wool, Mr Farmer?” There's also a bit of a feline theme as we pose more questions to the mysterious Sphinx and ask Bob what in RuneScape 'gumbo' is. There's loads more, but do watch out for some awful jokes from Wyson... If I had a hand I would have slapped him.''

Hi

We at the Karamja box company are always very glad to hear from happy customers. As you know, we are the main suppliers of RuneScape’s boots, damaged armour, rusty swords, broken staves and buttons. As a collector of fine merchandise, the Mayor of Nardah was wise to select us to provide his buttonry needs and not rely on that less than trustworthy Ali M and his fleet of carpets.

We are actually located far away from Karamja these days and merely retained our name for business purposes, very similar to the Bank of Varrock.

Regarding our limited box design...if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it! We have branched out to a slightly new shade of design, however, supplying to a group of Void Knights of all things! I guess even planar defenders need buttons.

Again, many thanks for your interest in our company.

Regards

Flatpak Jones CEO, Karamja Box Company

Dear Al

Well, the fact is that we have been evolving for many an age, and we have only been able to jump for the last millennia, give or take an eon or twelve. Hopefully, in a few more we will be able to jump up all of those stairs and get out of this strange temple. It's weird, climbing up them is pure torture, but slinking back down seems almost natural, and rather fun. You should try it one day. Food and gods are things we are not familiar with, we don’t get out into the slimelight much.

Ello young K’nex2,

Thanks for your help with me sheep that time, my old hands aren’t quite what they used to be you know, and ol’ Dukey has a problem with my “mal odour” or something, so using the castle spinning wheel can be tricky sometimes. Anyway, about the wool. Well, I was at a GAG meeting the other night and I noticed a book called “The woollen horse of Troy” or something like that. Gave me an idea...



Mumbolaya

What ho, my dear! Spiffing idea and all that, but the ladies in our order use the platelegs we provide. They find them far more practical and result in less blood splattered legs, don’tcha know! However, I am sure that as your rank within our order increases, access to other armours will be granted. You won’t have to wait long, I hear we have another mission planned for you in the near future.

Now, where did my notes on Mother Mallum go...

Dearest Technicz,

Many thanks for your concern over our beloved feline friends, but it is not the problem you may think it is. You see, much like this “Dave” you speak of, the cats are not evil, they just think they are. The cursed meat from the hell rats that dwell in his basement is the real problem, and can only be some kind of trick played by those who wish to plague the innocent. If you wish to remove this cursed ailment, speak to Evil Dave's mum who has experience in cleansing those affected by these evil beasts.

Best of luck, and do pass on my best wishes to Bob.

Dear Ladyluck83

Oi! You leave my pigeons alone! I’ll have you know my family have been raising pigeons for the king for years! In wars gone past, our fastest birds were used to carry messages past the enemy to the other settlements, faster than any horse, not that there's any of them left these days. Not round here, anyway. You can feed 'em if you like, Postie... Hang on! Someone’s nicked all my seed!

You better keep watching the skies, Ladyluck83, pigeons have great memories and love revenge...

Dear Veiledone,

Hello again! Yes, I do remember having that conversation with you! I don’t often get to Lumbridge, but when I used to, the old chef used to give me a bowl of his excellent Gumbo! It’s like a soup with all sorts of fish in it...really, really tasty, and sometimes it even made me feel stronger, more agile and all sorts of things! There used to be whole bunches of chefs, crowded round a steaming gumbo pot, adding things and tasting as they go, but it's all changed now. I heard that the new Lumbridge chef, although a direct descendant of the older chefs I used to know, is utterly useless at cooking! I expect that his father has hidden the recipe somewhere, but the young lad doesn’t even know what gumbo is, let alone how to cook it. Perhaps the legend has died out now...who knows? There is certainly no gumbo pot in Lumbridge anymore. If you do find one, please let me know! I’d kill for some gumbo.

Bob

Hello good Sir Theoldmage7,

Law and order has been on the decline recently, it's true. I blame standards slipping in schools leading to increased rates of truancy and anti-social behaviour. Many a thug has tried his hand at taking on the King's finest and I'm happy to say we're up to the ta...


 * Good day Theoldmage7,


 * Unfortunately, the previous recipient of your letter was killed before he could finish replying. I'll be your new guard for the day. There was talk of hiring higher level guards like they do in Ardougne (they call them paladins - they're very posh over there) but they'd need higher rates of pay. (We just get given a few coins and a clue scroll if we're really lucky.) We're only on short term contracts anyhow so it... Hey, is that dagger poisoned...?
 * Erm, hi Theoldmage7,


 * I'm new. They said I have to finish answering your letter. I'm just here on work placement. Please don't hurt me. I won't chase people behind fences - they're in a different patrol zone. That would be a breach of the 'Guard's Handbook for Those who Serve and Protect'. I heard about this one grizzled veteran who had been with the force his whole life, he was one day from retirement when he died :-( Don't think any guard has ever managed to retire, ever. For some reason, no one will give us life insurance...


 * Stay safe and obey the law - or we'll have to hurt you!


 * The Guards.


 * P.S. Several guards were harmed in the composing of this reply.

Dear Wtc,

Mostly, it's all trowel and error. Sorry! Bit of a gardening joke there. You have to be prepared to put the hard work in though – sometimes you’ve worked 12 hours overthyme before you decide it's time to cumin.

At the end of the day, you just have to get yourself properly mowtivated and not just sit and vegetate. Aha haaa ha ha! Sorry.

In all seriousness, money is a lot like a garden. You start off small, tend to it, then leave it alone. If you can keep the pests off you’ll soon find it grows into a lovely display, just don’t be tempted to interfere with its growth. Money is also a lot like a tomato – you know it’s a fruit, yet it wouldn’t go into a fruit salad.

Finally, I have found that over the years the sale of my elusive woad leaves has become quite fruitful, especially after the recent paint job.

Hope that helps Wyson